VERSUS

ALL ON ME. 

When everything about you seem temporary, you also hope that problems, frustrations and dilemma too. 

I have quite accepted the fact that I did something wrong but people seem not to be resolved with the idea. 

Trying to think clearly, yes it is all on me. I am all to blame. Whatever my situation is right now, whatever happening to my career right now is all on me to blame. 

I just wish that it would be like when I was young, I may be a loner but I get good conversations at home. 

When I was in my teenage years where I don't get good conversations at home, I am not alone at school or somewhere else. I have lots of friends. 

I'm trying to believe that these are a series of God's test of maturity for me -- to learn how to keep things to yourself, move on and cope up. 

I need to finish and get through this alone. And I need to go through this alive. Not overdosed with sleeping pills nor gone to a hidden place to start a simpler life away from the city, away from everyone. 

Wait, I think the latter is a good idea... Joke. 

PILED THOUGHTS. 

I know I need to learn, I need to advance, I need to provide more and at my age, it will take longer than I thought. 

DARK ROAD. 

I am not even in the middle of crossroads. I am in the middle of nowhere. I don't know when the next turn will be, or will I ever see a light post again. 

I want to take a shortcut, get a ride to go to my destination, fast. But I guess the road I took was somewhere less taken. I need to walk through this alone. 

I understand the journey, I only got a general idea of the destination. But first I need to survive to get there.

And as much as I don't want to, I only got myself for the rest of the journey. I can do loud cries, but in this part of the road, i need to swallow hard and stop my tears. Because the more I think of it, the more I give up, because I don't like me. 

PRAYER. 

God, I know it is difficult to keep up with me, but please give me patience to do so. Help me accept things may it be too unfair, help me make understand the forces that help me go through this journey with me. Help me appreciate me more. Help me love me more. 

Amen.